Due Date

August 24, 2013...What was my due date. In the days leading up to this date I should be preparing for birth, preparing to see my baby boy or girl for the first time. But I'm not. This child left this world sometime in late January and now lives in the presence of Jesus.

The day we learned that our baby had died a friend sent me a message that I read and re-read through the difficult days, weeks, and months that followed. Her message of truth gave me something to cling to. She wrote:

 "Firstly, this was never meant to be nor is it God's plan. God's plan is for all humans to have life---sin, death, and the devil are the ones to blame. Even as they rob us of the chance to meet your child, God has given him or her life forever with Him. We still feel the horrible effects of this tragedy, but God saves us from despair by giving our unborn babies life eternal and promising us the same and a chance to meet them in heaven."

I feel like this is such a difficult concept. On the one hand I wonder why? Why would God allow this to happen in my life? Why didn't He fix the problem or perform a miracle? And these things are not beyond God's control, but that is a very narrow point of view that only looks for earthly answers and fails to see what God DID do. He gave Himself over to death for my baby's eternal life.

My miscarriage has taught me so much about my SAVIOR. It has taught me more deeply what it means to trust God. It's not the "everything will be okay" stuff, because frankly sometimes it's not okay. Sometimes the things that happen in life are horrible and painful and you don't know how to take another breath. It's more of a "God has not abandoned me in this place" kind of trust. It is He who sustains me, it is He who gives me hope; hope that this suffering is temporary and hope in eternity.

So today I remember this precious child of mine who is even more precious to his Savior.