This is For All the Lonely People

Mothering can be a lonely occupation though it is anything but alone. I usually have two little people underfoot, following me around the house and even (until recently- we're working on privacy) to the bathroom. The baby can't follow me yet - but her Mommy-don't-leave-me scream sure can. But that's usually how I spend my days - with my children. That is a blessing to be sure, but sometimes extremely isolating.

I tend to be a homebody and an introvert and since I am a stay-home mom, we don't have a lot of extra cash to go "out" very often. That means we don't go to the pool, out to lunch, to the gym, etc. We stay home; we play at home; we eat at home. Perhaps if the weather is nice and we don't have any pressing projects we will go to a park, but other than that...

We have also moved...a lot. In the eight (on Tuesday!) years my husband and I have been married, we have lived in four different cities. It makes friendship difficult for me. I don't have a lot of close friends. I'm not very good at making friends. I'm reserved and quiet upon first meeting people. I tend to not take the initiative to develop relationships because I feel like I'm bothering people. I feel awkward talking on the phone - I have no idea what to talk about. And I justify it all by telling myself, if so-and-so really wanted to form a friendship with me they would have called/invited/etc.

And so I'm lonely. Through no one's fault but my own. I so long to be invited to a girls night out - perhaps I should do the inviting. I wish for playdates for my children that allow me to also have grown-up conversations. I dream of phone calls with friends that don't leave me searching for something to say.

In my head I know that a lot of people are in the same situation. Struggling with the same things; wishing for deeper friendships; thinking everyone else has it and that they are on the outside looking in. Wouldn't it be so wonderful if we could all just get past our insecurities and have what we wanted? It sounds so simple.

As I have been working on this post, I've been thinking about what the Bible has to say about this issue - and I don't want to offer anyone (including myself) the standard "you don't need friends, you have God" stuff; because I don't believe it. God made us to be in relationship with others. I have learned so much about God from my relationships with my husband and my children. I know I have even more to learn from friendships. A couple of verses that kept coming to mind are:

"I no longer call you servants because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made know to you." John 15:15

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10b

God uses relationships to teach us about how He views us - servants, friends, children, sons. Each has a different nuance that deepens our understanding of and relationship with God.

So I'm not going to give up my dream. I'm going to keep working at developing my friendships and overcoming my insecurities. Perhaps someday soon I won't feel so lonely.

For those of you reading this who are my friends - thank you, I really value the relationship we do have and please don't think that you aren't important to me, because you most definitely are. And if you wanted to talk more often - I'd totally be game for that.