One Year, Take Two

As I prepare for the birth of this child I'm carrying, I downloaded the CD that has been the soundtrack to each of my children's births. Nichole Nordeman's Woven and Spun. We've moved on from a CD to iTunes mostly because I'm not sure where the CD is anymore and honestly didn't feel like searching it out. But I'm listening to it today and remembering each of my babies and looking forward to the arrival of this next one. Today is the one year anniversary of our miscarriage. It's hit me a bit harder than I expected and I'm sort of an emotional mess today. Searching for the balance between allowing myself to grieve and still being here with and for my family today. Anyway this is one of my favorite songs off the album and it just felt appropriate for today.

I Am by Nicole Nordeman

Pencil marks on a wall 
I wasn't always this tall, 
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed, 
You watched my team win, 
You watched my team lose, 
You watched when my bicycle went down again,

CHORUS: 
And When I was weak unable to speak, 
still I could call You by name, 
and I said “Elbow healer, Superhero,
come if You can,” and You said “I am”

Only 16, life is so mean, what kind of curfew is at ten PM 
You saw my mistakes, You watched my heart break 
Heard when I swore I’d never love again

CHORUS: 
When I was weak, unable to speak, 
still I could call You by name, 
and I said “Heart-ache Healer, Secret-keeper,
be my Best Friend” and You said “I am”

You saw me wear white, by pale candlelight,
I said forever to what lies ahead 
two kids and a dream, with kids that can scream 
too much it might seem when it’s two AM

CHORUS: 
when I am weak, unable to speak, 
still I will call You by name. 
“Oh Shepherd, Savior, Pasture-maker,
hold on to my hand,” and You say “I am.”

The winds of change, 
And circumstance blow in and all around
us so we find a foothold that’s familiar, 
And bless the moments that we feel You nearer 
Life had begun, I was woven and spun,
You let the angels dance around the throne, who can say when, 
But they’ll dance again, when I am free and finally headed home

CHORUS: 
I will be weak, unable to speak, 
still I will call You by name 
“Creator, Maker, Life-sustainer,
Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer,
Lord and King, Beginning and
the End, I am, yes, I am.”