I was pinning the other day and I came across these care instructions for introverts. I'm not entirely sure where they originated or the research behind them, but for the most part they resonated with me.
It was a wonderful reminder of how to care for my introverted daughter. Some of these "rules" I already follow, some of them I don't and I've broken a few. It's important for me to remember that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert - I'm one. I think my problem lies in that I don't want her to struggle, to be misunderstood, or to be limited by her introverted tendencies.
The two most eye-opening rules for me were about friendships: Enabling and encouraging her to connect with one best friend and not push her to have lots of friends. It struck a chord with me because I've been asking her about who she is friends with at school and she names one little girl and simply says, "I like her." When I ask about the other girls, she seems to not really be concerned. It isn't that she doesn't like them, its just that she does better one on one. And that is okay.
Hailey is also an observer. She would rather just take everything in and watch until she's ready to try. For example, we have a park next door to our house. At this park are these "stepping stones" that are on poles that you can walk across. At five years old, she is and has been more than physically capable of crossing them for quite some time, but she didn't do it until two nights ago. Last week she watched her friend play on them with ease and I guess she just decided that she could do it too.
She also needs a lot of processing time. I posted last week about my difficulty in getting Hailey to tell me about school. Well, last night at bedtime, she was in her bed and I was rocking and nursing Mari in their room and she just started talking (Hailey, not Mari). She was telling me about the math they did and the "science math" they had been working on. She told me about playing red light green light at gym and about what letters they were practicing. The whole time she was talking she was just lit up. She was laying on her belly with her feet up in the air and her chin propped, smiling and laughing. She was in her element and it was such a special moment that I want to cherish forever.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm working on understanding her a little bit more, and trying to be patient when she is in a situation that causes her to feel out of sorts. I'm reminding myself that it is often okay for her to sit back and observe rather than actively participate; and that it doesn't mean that she isn't having fun. And I'm remembering that the goal is not popularity, but raising a kind and compassionate follower of Christ.
First of all, Hailey is so beautiful!
ReplyDeleteSecond of all - I too am an introvert - an extreme introvert in a family full of extroverts. It's exhausting and I'm struggling with similar issues. I haven't read it yet, but my therapist recommended this book:
Nurture by Nature: Understand Your Child's Personality Type - And Become a Better Parent
by Barbara Barron-Tieger
One of the phrases that helps me as I go through the phases and try to resist comparing my first child to my second is, "I'm raising adults, not children". I tend to get so wrapped up in the day to day, that I forget about the year to year. When I remind myself to step back and take a look at how far Lucas has come in three months, or John has changed in the past year, it's easier to see their distinct personalities and to be more gentle with myself. What will matter in the end is the sum total of the twenty years that I put in to raising them, not the off day that I had where everything seemed to go wrong.
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